Tonight in Seattle:  

More wild and craaaaazy Repub antics (now with writing contest!)

As a writer and editor, I found this story in today's Salon fascinating. Called I ghost-wrote letters to the editor for the McCain campaign, it chronicles the first-hand adventures of Margriet Oostveen while volunteering/infiltrating at the McCain campaign. It begins with:

"You can be whoever you want to be," says an inviting Phil Tuchman. "You can be a beggar or a millionaire. A mom or a husband. Whatever. You decide!"

Oostveen was asked to write fake letters to the editor that promoted the Republican ticket. "We are supposed to use our free moments at home to create a flow of fictional fan mail for McCain," she writes.

"Your letters," says Phil Tuchman, "will be sent to our campaign offices in battle states. Ohio. Pennsylvania. Virginia. New Hampshire. There we'll place them in local newspapers."

No newspaper can refuse a stream of articulate expressions of support, is the thought behind it. "This way, we will always get into some letters column."

Yep, fake letters from fake people. Guess they can't count on real Republicans actually writing in real ones?

And boy did Margriet deliver with some brilliantly crafted schlock and lies. She lied about her son (that she doesn't have) serving in the military (obvs also not true) and how she can't wait to, "...see his face glow with pride. Just like the day he told me he enlisted." She concluded with, "With Sarah Palin, I have even more reason to trust in victory. She represents my heart." Gack.

Of course, campaign dude loved it, and happily submitted her so-called patriotic lies to try to dupe unsuspecting swing-state voters. Real classy, Team McCain.

Something tells me the campaign didn't like reading her real writing over at Salon though...

Why in fact, they have responded. They said:

"She did not represent herself as a journalist to the people who work in the mid-Atlantic office."

Huh. So the only wrongdoing was that she wrote about their totally unethical, lame practices, not that they were committed? Brill. (Of note, she actually did tell them she would be reporting about her experiences, according to the link above).

Anyhuzzle, thought you'd enjoy that amusing story. In fact, I hoped you'd enjoy it so much that you, dear imaginary readers, might be motivated to get creative and write a letter to the editor of your own!

Here's what I propose: In the comments below, write us an imaginary letter to the editor. You can boast about your favorite band, your own band, the current financial meltdown, that cute guy you saw on the bus, whatever. You can be whoever you want to be. Just be creative, schlocky, and hyperbolic.

Best imaginary letter to the editor wins an imaginary t-shirt. And our t-shirts are cute.

Go forth and write!

 

I dunno. Newspapers always ask for a name, telephone number and address with their letters to the editor, so they can check against crazy stuff like this at least with a phone call, just to cover their ass in case of a libel suit (i.e. if someone wrote a pro-McCain letter and put my name on it, lawyers would be getting invovled if it was printed).

@The Grim -- I heart you, but a story like that is never gonna get you a free t-shirt!

Sloan rescued my cat from a tree. Plus they're from Canada, the #1 supplier of the United States' oil, the price of which they could instantly cut in half just by saying the word. And they invented swimming pools.

So I will be attending their "rally" on Sunday at Chop Suey, where they will no doubt be nominated to lead the Most Awesome Party.

OK,OK, OK. I get it. Here's my official entry:

Dear Editor,

Do you know what love is? I mean really know what love is, and not just some dumb approximation learned from Hollywood and a lifetime's worth of bad pop songs? I sure do, and I need to tell the world what it's like.

Have you ever had someone who you could count on to be there every morning? Someone who'd stand by your side whether it's 5 a.m. and drizzly or 10 and sunny. Have you ever had someone you could really count on like that, day in and day out, and not to just be there, but to consistently give you what you need, no matter what the circumstances?

Do you know how reassuring it is to wake up each morning and be able to see someone's smiling face? Let me tell you, it makes putting those feet on the floor a lot easier knowing that familiar look, that warm smile and that unconditional love is there with just a glance.

Have you ever known the joys of leaving the house with that special someone's sweet taste still lingering on your lips (and maybe, if you're really lucky, your tongue)? Having that sticky-sweet reminder of devotion, even if it's only there through rush hour can change your life.

Everyone needs someone who loves them like this. Everyone deserves someone who can make each morning worth getting up for. Everyone needs someone who gives you the courage to tackle the day ahead of you.

For me, that person is Cap'n Crunch. I can only hope your readers find the same lifelong devotion -- and make it a part of a balanced breakfast, if accompanied with milk and fruit -- as I have.

Respectfully yours,

The Grim

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.